Final Days – Jan 4-6

We are down one traveller as I sit here in the Hong Kong Cathay Pacific lounge awaiting our 1 am departure for Vancouver. We’re been here for 4 hours already and only 4 more to go. No, we didn’t lose anyone in Tropical Storm Pabuk. Megan just left on her flight to Toronto. Storm you say? Why not? Hillary and I have a storied history of experiencing or rather, sort of experiencing natural disasters on vacation. A flood and earthquake in Vegas – separate times, a tsunami in Hawaii – we were woken at 5 am by an air raid siren and evacuated to higher ground but the giant wave never quite materialized. Now a rare out of season cyclone/tropical storm. More on that later but suffice to say we all made it out.

Couple of random thoughts about Thailand now that we’re leaving.

Anyone who’s been here has seen it for themselves but it really is amazing. I’m talking about the scooters. Apparently, the law is that you must wear a helmet and only one person per scooter. So much for laws. We saw it all. Children of all ages, women holding babies, dogs, whole families, riders looking at cell phones while not even holding on. Easily half of the scooters had multiple riders. Most wearing flip-flops. Rarely did anyone wear a helmet. And forget about lanes. They wove in and out of traffic. And it’s not like the cars were really careful around them. In Bangkok, they have these devices they put in cars and if you go over the speed limit for more than a minute it beeps and will report you to the authorities. You get a ticket in the mail. Why? Because so many people were dying in traffic accidents. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that the drivers are constantly on their phones. Texting, talking, browsing Amazon. We saw one guy watching a very big screen playing a tv show on his dash board. He was watching intently and laughing as he drove. And yet they do nothing to enforce the rules about scooters and the scooter riders don’t seem to care that the car drivers don’t care. You can say well, other cultures are different but it sure is strange to see coming from the car seat air bag nanny state we live in.

Speaking of traffic, it’s insane. At peak times it can take 60 minutes to get somewhere when it should only take 10 or 15. The traffic lights are unbelievably long. As in 2 minutes or more. That’s not that long you say? I don’t know how long lights stay red back home but it ain’t 2 minutes. They even have count down clocks in some places. I assume because drivers were abandoning their cars thinking the lights had malfunctioned and were never going to change.

While we had a few good ones along the way, dessert is not a Thai specialty.

Most of the travellers here are European. Which makes getting a lounger by the pool pretty easy. Why? Because Europeans eat dinner at 10pm and sleep until 11 the next day. Much different than Florida and Hawaii where you have to wake up at 7 am, often have to bribe someone and it helps to be a black belt in Karate.

You can’t really make it out In the picture but the little thing sticking out on the edge of the rock face below is a lunatic human climber.

My stomach will be the judge of that. Also, not sure the sign is really selling it.

We were starting to wonder if maybe everyone else at the resort had left because of the category 5 hurricane that was supposedly on the way. Okay, tropical storm. But then we realized it was only 7 pm. Way too early.

Emma’s been pretty disappointed with the vegetarian options available to her on this trip. I think it’s because while she is a “Vegetarian” she doesn’t really love most vegetables. The other day we were discussing our top 3 favourite foods and Emma said her number 1 by far was potatoes. So versatile! It’s like 10 different foods in one. So tonight I saw her frowning at the menu trying to decide what to get. She was shocked and delighted when I suggested she order one of every kind of potato that they had. She looked at me thinking I was kidding. I can do that? As in, you’ll let me do that? I said sure, why not, we’re on vacation. She settled for scalloped potatoes and truffle fries. She felt like roasted wedges might just be overkill and opted for some veggies to round it out instead.

Zoe and Megan had the gnocchi. Zoe was shocked to learn that gnocchi is made from potatoes. See, Emma said, it never ends!

While this could be potato tart with ice cream and Emma might have been happy, it’s actually apple.

The next day it rained most of the day and we spent a lot of time indoors. Hillary and I had massages at the spa. It was very different from my first experience on this trip which was amazing. This time I felt like the woman assigned to me had been secretly hired to kill me slowly by my enemies. You know who you are. She whacked me repeatedly with a burning hot stone and then got on top of me with her full weight and dug her elbows into my back. I said maybe a little too hard. She laughed and I felt emasculated. This was the “signature” treatment.

After escaping with my life if not my dignity we watched the new movie Green Book which everyone thoroughly enjoyed except Hillary who didn’t watch. That night the storm worsened and we began to have some doubts about the assurances our travel agent and concierge had given us that we would have no problem travelling the next day. Dinner down by the beach was a tad windy and had the kids a little unsettled.

But, as predicted, the next morning, things had blown over and were quite calm.

Off to the Krabi airport to fly to Bangkok. The first leg of our 2 day trip home. Krabi airport is not exactly A-1 but it sure beats the 3 hour drive to Phuket.

No cyclones in sight.

Okay this is getting ridiculous. Do they know my birthday was 3 months ago? At least they sent Megan a cake to her room instead of Emma.

Speaking of Emma. Or as she now goes by: “Funky Don’t-Match.”

Our last big stop was here:

I had seen it featured on this last season of Chef’s Table – one of my favourite shows. We booked it long before we left on our trip but could only get a reservation at 10:15 pm. No one was looking forward to that. I mean, we’re not European! Thankfully, the day before, they called to say they had an opening at 6:15! Perfect for us Canadians. We cut it close when the transportation that was supposed to meet us at the airport didn’t show up. I could rant about that but not when we narrowly dodged a major. Bottom line, we made it.

Eating at Bo.Lan is a full experience from the time you arrive. You are taken to a lounge and served coconut water, adult drinks and snacks.

I had seen on Chef’s table that they take guests into the kitchen for their first bite but wasn’t sure if that was just for tv. I was very excited when they invited us back. The first bite is a simple spoon of rice topped with toasted coconut and palm sugar, followed by a bite of fruit. It is amazing how good something so simple can taste. I said we had come a long way and had been looking forward to this for a long time. I hoped the rest of the meal would be as good. In retrospect, I can see how that might have come out more like a challenge. I don’t think the chef was amused.

Zoe’s first Amuse.

Another adult amuse. A whole experience. Drink. Bite. Spray. The girls thought it was “interesting”.

A series of small bites followed. All playful and utterly delicious reflections on Thai food.

Zoe passed on the tasting menu and ordered chicken wings with pork floss off the kids menu. I thought it was a mistake until I tasted the floss which looks and sounds simple enough but was the best thing I ate on this trip. I can’t even describe it. Sweet and salty porky goodness.

Bo.Lan Khao Soy.

Emma’s veggie feast.

Our non-veggie feast. One of the other things I loved when I saw the episode is that even though they do a tasting menu, they bring all the main courses at the same time – family style. They say that’s how Thai’s eat. Also how Rob eats.

Not sure what it was but the stuff in the bowl on the left was amazing. Next to the pork floss, my second favourite.

Here’s what we had:

Chachoengsao duck salad, Chiang Mai mandarin and spicy soy dressing. หลนข้าวกา่ ดอหมากแนมผักพนื้ บ้านนานาพนั ธ์แนมปลาฟู

Coconut relish of fermented black sticky rice with crispy fish cakes. ผัดกุ้งพังงาและกะปิอ่าวน้าใส่หน่อไม้นา้ และใบมะกรูด

Stir-fried pork and prawns with southern shrimp paste chilli and water bamboo. งบเนื้อน่องลายกาแพงแสนห่อใบตองย่างไฟออ่ น

Red coconut curry of grass fed Thai Angus beef grilled in a banana leaf. ทึ้งมันทะเลแบบชาวประมงพื้นบ้าน

Fisherman seafood soup of aromatic herbs and chilli.

ข อ งแน มปร ะ จ าว ัน

Accompaniment of the day.

ชุดขนมหวานสามครั้ง Dessert and Petit-fours.

Now, as I said earlier. Dessert is not quite their forte. Good thing I was so full from dinner I could barely bring myself to try a bite – just didn’t want to be rude.

Not the official description but it was fruit ice with jelly worms.

Some sort of smoked rice crispy. Very smokey.

An offering of a bunch of stuff that no one much liked. But still, one of the best meals we had on our trip and I’d say ranks up there in my top ten restaurant meals. I was lucky enough to meet Bo in the hall after and told her it was very memorable.

As was the whole trip. We are incredibly lucky to be able to share these experiences as a family. While there are always bumps and complaints, and a little bit of fighting which we could do without, I wouldn’t trade these times for anything.

Next time maybe we won’t go somewhere quite so far away. Or maybe…

Day 15-16 – Lizards, Jellyfish and Chocolate, oh my! – Jan 1-2

It’s been a pretty laid back couple of days. Lotta sitting by the pool and the beach and eating at the resort restaurants. Which has been pretty good. I could complain about the half a cup of coffee they give you at breakfast and how it then takes 10-15 minutes to bring you more when you ask. But these are small quibbles. One of the more annoying things is the sound of the long boats which one astute reviewer on trip advisor noted “It’s like you’re in your backyard and every single one of your neighbours is mowing their lawn. Constantly.” Also, the disparity in pricing is mind-boggling at times. As in what things cost at the resorts vs what you can get on the street. Not that I’m surprised. But for example, we had 4 kg of laundry done for 200 baht on the street (roughly 8 bucks CND) which is about what it cost to do 1 t-shirt at the resort. Well of course you say, what do you expect? Except it’s not like there aren’t six places a short walk away. At least in Chiang Mai the Four Seasons had you hostage. The nearest laundry was 45minutes into town.

So we had planned a snorkelling tour the morning of the 1st but I woke up with a bit of a sore hip. Nothing serious. Still, we decided to postpone one day.

Apparently this is a small one. We’ve seen several just casually wandering around.

Pretty good lunch.

Dinner was at the “Thai” restaurant on the resort. The setting is incredible. The food was pretty good. We were hungry enough that I forgot to take pictures. The one thing we’ve encountered is that traditional Thai dishes like Pad Thai are often Americanized for us “westerners” at the hotels. Not as authentic as we’ve tried elsewhere.

Next morning my hip was better and it was on to snorkelling. Hillary stayed back because she hates boats, water and fish. And snorkelling.

Feels a little tight.

Zoe had quite a few equipment malfunctions and eventually got frustrated. The snorkelling was not that great at this location anyway. Sadly, while there were some fish, most of the coral on the reef was dead. Kind of a downer.

So we headed off to Chicken Island. Can you guess how it got it’s name? Yes, it was discovered by Colonel Sanders! Little did you know he was an early explorer. And that’s why there are so many KFC restaurants here in Thailand!

Emma in training for the Olympics… of sleep. Gold medal here she comes.

I spotted a jellyfish on the beach. Our guide went over and kicked it with his bare foot. He proclaimed it dead. I asked if he got stung a lot. He said something like yes, a lot of times and then told me Thai people liked to eat them with noodles. I think Thai people will eat just about anything with noodles.

Maybe not this guy. Or maybe…

Creepy cat doll. Not one of three things I expect to find on a beach.

Zoe, subtly going for a pee in the ocean.

I don’t have any pictures of the following incident but it’s worth a few words. I walked out to an area where other people were snorkeling and discovered a lot of very colourful fish. So I grabbed my snorkel gear. It was fairly shallow so Zoe said she would just walk with me but soon discovered she was missing out. So she grabbed her gear and gave it another shot. We were greeted with schools of beautiful colourful fish and we were having a grand time. Until I spotted a big purple and blue jellyfish right behind Zoe’s head. I had been somewhat on guard after seeing the one on the beach. I calmly pointed it out. Well, more like screamed JELLYFISH! She did a great job of not trying to swat it away with her hand and we both swam to shore faster than either of us have ever swam before.

For something else to do in the evening, we headed into the nearby town of Au Nang. It was nearby as in required a two minute long boat ride or a stones throw from Railay Beach over the cliffs but instead the concierge at our hotel arranged for a rather long boat ride in the wrong direction followed by a surprisingly long taxi ride. Not by mistake but because …. Well, I still don’t exactly know why but we got there. It was much more bustling than we expected.

Headed down to the beach for sunset and watched all the tourists take selfies. Never gets old.

Dinner was solid but unspectacular but also WAY cheaper than at the resort. Only thing worth mentioning is a banana split and just ok lava cake. Strangely, none of the chocolate here is very good. Thai people say they don’t like chocolate. They like mango and sticky rice and coconut. I say it’s because the chocolate is not very good here!

Day 14 – Happy New Year! – Dec 31

Short post today as not much is going down. Just chilling by the beach. Although not very chilly!

Beach food.

Look closely and you will notice a very rare sighting of a Hillary in the water and outside her normal habitat on a lounger beside the pool with ipad in hand.

Rain in the afternoon sent the resort staff scrambling to figure out what they were going to do about the outdoor New Years party that was being set up by the pool.

And sent the Canadian sloth scrambling back inside to its natural habitat.

The rain let up just in time for dinner and a show.

An extensive variety of butter.

Salad which we stayed away from since we’re not sure about how it’s washed. Sadly because it look very good.

One guy was very excited about the crab and proclaimed very loudly: “OHHHHHHHH!” I imagine he pulled up a chair to the serving table.

Day 12 and 13 – Planes, Vans, Boats, and Tractors – Dec 29-30

The journey from Chiang Mai to Railay Beach was long. As in an hour drive to the airport, a two hour flight and then a three hour drive from Phuket to Krabi. We’re still not sure why our travel agent booked it that way when there are direct flights to Krabi. But it’s over.

Zoe is not thrilled with the Tuk Tuk ride down a very long pier in the pitch black.

Are these the boats we’re taking?

Nope. This is.

A late but good dinner. The server warned that the ribs were “fatty”. That just made me want them more.

I admit I might have been a little drunk from my Railay Iced tea as we shared Emma’s 5th or maybe 6th Birthday cake. I’ve lost count.

Our villa. Naturally the girls fought over which giant bed they would sleep in.

This is how they get people from the boat to the shore when the tide is out.

Monkeys!

More Monkeys!

Hard to explain how beautiful it is. Pictures don’t capture it. It doesn’t look real.

The Grotto restaurant. In the brochure in the room it says it’s more causal. They have a BBQ in the evening. Sounds reasonable. I should have checked the price before we booked it. Expensive lesson learned. It’s just weird and annoying that you can go from decent dinner for 2 dollars here to way more than that.

At least it was good. It was an insane amount of food that no one came close to finishing. We could have all shared two meals. The amount left over actually made me angry. Maybe tell us the portions are huge and we should share? That and the boat that had brought a bunch of tourists to watch the sunset. The tourists, okay, I get it. We’re also tourists. But the boat sat right in front of where we were eating and belched gas and smoke for our entire meal. They couldn’t shut it off while it waited? As beautiful as it is, there is always something to complain about and the constant stream of motor boats here are really bad in terms of noise and other kinds of pollution.

Zoe declared the dessert disgusting. We were happy the chef didn’t come over to get her review.

Day 11 – Waterfalls and Rice Fields – Dec 28

Firstly, I forgot to mention yesterday our ride into town for dinner in the shuttle was made most interesting and pungent by an older lady sitting in the back row. At first we all thought it was Zoe. Because it often is. But no, it was back-row lady who was clearly having a problem. And neither she nor her friend felt the need to apologize, despite the surprising volume of her attack. It sounded like she was clapping her hands. They just continued to talk to each other in Chinese. I imagine one said to the other: Haha you fart on white people.

Today was a great day overall. Although it started a bit rough. We were up early and had another hour long ride in a van to get to our first stop. A waterfall. One of the annoying things about these excursions is that no one ever explains anything. And when they do, it’s often wrong or misleading. On the way, our guide said we were going to see a waterfall. Wrong. Then he made a weird #MeToo comment that threatened to derail the day. He was a good looking young guy who was generally very nice but from that point on, the girls were put off and said he was creepy.

Anyway, the weather has been spectacular. A little cooler in the mornings here in Chiang Mai as you can see from the steam coming off the water. But it quickly warms up and gets damn hot.

At this point our guide finally made things clear. You are not going to see a waterfall. You’re going to CLIMB a waterfall. Incredible that we didn’t have to sign a waiver of any kind. Like I said a couple of day ago: Apparently, you can kill all the tourists you want this time of year. First, you climb down a million steps:

He were are before dying.

The water was very warm from an underground spring and the limestone was not as slippery as it looks. All in all fun and not so hard.

Next was the biking portion. The girls were all a little nervous. In fact, Emma was quite certain we were definitely going to die now. You’d never know from this bad ass pic of road warriors.

Stopping for a snack. The guide kept it pretty slow and easy. And we had a van following us in case anyone got tired.

It’s the law that you have to wear a helmet here. Even though people rarely do.

A funeral we passed through. I think there was a body in that pink whatever it is.

Zoe thought she wouldn’t be good at biking but it turned out she was great and made it all the way except the very last uphill climb.

From there we took a speed boat to a floating restaurant.

It was pretty decent considering it was on a lake in the middle of nowhere. But then we realized the kayaking portion of the tour was actually just some kayaks to paddle around on the lake.

Something the kids get more than enough of at camp. Compared to kayaking with dolphins in Australia it was kinda lame so we left early. Besides we were all pretty pooped from the morning.

For dinner we took another hour long ride into old Chiang Mai to a restaurant called Dash I found with google. It was down this very weird, narrow alley. The whole area is a labyrinth filled with bars and restaurants and it made me wish we had stayed closer to town. It turned out to be amazing and very reasonable. Good thing because they only took cash. The food everywhere but our hotel is incredibly cheap. We just had to pay a cab to drive an hour to get it.

Day 10 – We’re Cooking Now – Dec 27

Today was a bit of a mixed bag. It was one of the worst things we’ve done followed by one of the best. First the worst. I recently heard that happiness falls somewhere between expectation and reality. In this case, reality and expectation were very wide spread. We signed up for a cooking class through our travel company. I was hopeful we would meet a soulful chef who looked like a Thai version of Yoda in some sort of intimate beat up old kitchen that looked like it belonged to someone’s grandmother. And this master would impart their wisdom upon us and share many a secret that would make us all Thai cooking Jedis. Okay maybe a stretch. What we got was a bizarre, confused mess that felt more like we had been dropped into a hidden camera game show. We took a shuttle into town where we were dropped off at a small boutique hotel with a restaurant next to it. Little explanation followed as the young girl behind the desk didn’t speak much English. She just muttered something about calling tuktuks to take us to the market to buy ingredients. Again, I imagined it would be the chef taking us and they would explain the unique Thai ingredients. But no explanation followed. I asked the socially awkward, shy girl who was taking us to the market. She replied “me”. I knew we were in trouble.

We had to ask what was going on at every step. She said something about looking for cauliflower and basil. No one seemed to have decent basil and the girl said maybe they don’t have any. “Out of season”. But don’t we need it? And how is Basil out of season? Next after googling it on her phone, she tried to tell me a Thai eggplant was a long tomato. I said I don’t think so. Anyway we found some wilted basil and figured out that cauliflower was actually kafir lime leaves. Then she said she’d buy some dessert for us. Odd since we hadn’t eaten lunch and it was only 10:30. The stuff she showed us was disgusting. But I had smelled something good being fried back at the front of the market.

Bananas. With sweet milk. Sadly, the guy making them wouldn’t give us any. Apparently, someone else had bought the entire pot. Instead, a wrinkly old lady gave us a bag of fried squash and grilled banana which was pretty good but not quite the same.

Then the girl insisted we try this northern delicacy. Some sort of grilled meat. It was pungent and best described as sour. Megan, Zoe, and I each tried a bite and agreed it might be the worst thing we’ve eaten since we got here. After that review, Hillary wisely passed.

At this point I realized the shopping trip was a total sham meant to waste time. We couldn’t possibly be cooking with just basil and lime leaves.

Back to the restaurant where we were given purple drinks and told to eat our “snacks”. We were given aprons and introduced to five cooking stations which were set out in the MIDDLE of the restaurant where other people were eating. It was all so weird and uncomfortable. The girls wanted to leave right there and then. Two of the kitchen’s sous chefs came out to instruct us but they didn’t speak any English at ALL. They basically just pointed to the ingredients in the order we were supposed to add them to the pots.

Emma’s “Get me the hell out of here!” look.

Are we cooking for everyone here or just us? The other people looked quite worried.

We basically followed the written recipes we were given off the top. As if you need to pay for a class to do that. The best I can say is that the ingredients they provided were fresh. Above is the Tom Yum soup which actually didn’t look anything like the picture in the recipe book but damn if anyone could explain why. It wasn’t bad though. Then, the manager came out to ask how it was going. I said not great. Some instruction in English would be nice. He thanked me for the feedback and sent a guy out to “translate”. You could tell he knew nothing about cooking. He kept telling us exactly what was in the recipe book. Next we moved on to the main course – Massaman curry which I had been looking forward to. It’s a Northern Thai curry. I had tried it previously and it was very delicious. But I should have YouTubed it. At one point Hillary pointed out that we didn’t have any tamarind as part of our ingredients but it was being called for in the recipe. That sent everyone scurrying around and talking very fast in Thai. They kept looking at the ingredients as though it might magically appear.

Above top is my curry and stir fried pork. Below that is Zoe’s. Zoe ate one bite of hers and asked if she could finish mine. Let’s just say the least satisfied customer was Emma who, as the vegetarian in the group, has been treated to plates and bowls of increasing grey and beige vegetables from day one. She wonders if there is anything green here besides the basil and coriander. I’m going to spare you the debacle that was dessert. Let’s just say it looked like maraschino cherry soup. Emma was incredibly offended when translating dude gave her dessert the lowest score of 8/10. Here is the page from the recipe book. For a short summation of this experience try to read the second instruction.

You certainly try to have a good sense of humour in these situations. Turn it into something fun. This was a tough one folks. It was just such a gong show disaster. I asked the manager if this was the first time they had done this. He admitted that they had just started to do these classes this year. As in last week this year???

Dinner was much more successful. We took the long shuttle ride into town again early – because that’s when it left – almost two hours before our very late reservation for David’s Kitchen, one of the most recommended restaurants in all of Thailand. It’s actually French. So we stopped by a wild pop-up market to kill some time. We were greeted with marshmallow roasting. Instantly an improvement on the day.

Megan seems very suspicious about these characters.

Zoe marshmallow bombs. This market turned out to NOT be total crap and the girls did some successful shopping. I took pictures of the amazing looking food I wasn’t going to eat.

Not sure about the black bun. One of the greatest sports here in Thailand is called Crossing the Street. It’s a death defying exercise. Few make it out alive.

Go on. I dare you.

We wandered through a mall which was a mall.

And then we tried the next most dangerous sport in Thailand. It’s called taking a taxi. Yes, these are the “taxis” in Chiang Mai. Red pick-up trucks with roofs and open backs.

Finally, we got to David’s Kitchen. It didn’t disappoint. David himself comes around to each table. He spent a good while talking to us and it wasn’t all awkward or weird the way most of the “service” conversations have been on this trip.

Hillary gave it 4 stars on yelp because they left out an “L”.

A flight of soup.

Gnocchi stuffed with lamb. Best dish of the night.

Emma FINALLY got something green.

Sorry. Too eager, I messed up the plate before taking a picture. It’s duck.

The Billy Joel of Chiang Mai.

Chocolate lava cake and sticky toffee pudding. Gone in seconds. The third most dangerous sport in Thailand is sharing a dessert with Zoe.

Update: The next day we got a long and very nice personalized email from David thanking us for coming. Sure, probably a form letter but still. Also, this meal was literally half the price of dinner the night before at the hotel. And way better. Afternoon cooking class still not quite forgotten though.

Day 9 – Elephants – Dec. 26

Forgot to mention that Zoe lost a tooth on the way to the temples last night. She was very happy this morning to have been visited by the Thai Tooth Fairy who left her 100 Baht.

This morning Emma was not thrilled that the rope harness on these local water buffalo went through their noses.

Today we visited Elephant Nature Park which is not Elephant Poopoopaper Park. Yes that’s a real thing near our hotel and no, we did not go there by accident. But if you did, you’d be treated not to any live elephants but to a museum about making paper out of elephant poo. Also a Pootique – their gift shop that serves Elephant Poo coffee which is actually made from beans that have been fed to elephants and then picked from their poo and roasted. 1000 baht for a cup – that’s 40 bucks. But I digress. Elephant Nature Park is a place where mistreated and abused elephants are rescued from all sorts of cruel situations, nursed and allowed to live as freely as possible. There is no riding. It is supposedly a cruelty free park but that depends on your definition of cruelty. Emma was very excited to go because she both loves elephants and is very supportive of kindness to all animals. But I’m not sure the experience was everything she hoped for. Maybe we all imagined a more personal intimate experience. The website and brochure seemed to imply that. But like a lot of this trip we were the ones who kind of felt like cattle. “Feeding the elephants” was more like fighting with dozens of people and eager kids to hand a banana to a trunk poking through a fence. And you didn’t get to bath them as was first suggested. They did warn in advance that was no longer the case. However, you did get to walk out among the animals and learn their individual stories. We all found the tales of abuse disturbing. And Emma wondered if it was really right to subject the animals who were so afraid of people because of past cruelty to throngs of tourists swarming around them taking pictures and touching them. The fact is, the camp exists because tourists pay money to come and see the elephants. It’s a necessary evil in a way to make life better for these animals. You only had to look across the river to see the alternative. There was another camp a stone’s throw away where tourists could bath and ride the elephants to their hearts content (regardless of the mistreatment of the animals). One of the elephants here at ENP escaped from the camp across the river 4 times before the owner finally said she could stay. Not for free mind you. ENP pays heavy prices to the owners to rescue the animals. Aside from 80 elephants, ENP has also rescued over 700 dogs and many cats and also cares for a herd of water buffalo. I suspect the overnight experience or staying for a week – which you can do, feels more like you’re actually helping the elephants. And picking up a lot of poo from the sounds of it.

So we headed out. Our guide Ya assured us that the elephants liked people but we still needed to be careful because sometimes they “show their emotions”. Also they don’t love little kids and can be prone to punting them in the head but who can blame them? Little kids can be assholes. And of course there are always a few grown up dick heads who don’t listen to their guides or just don’t care. At one point a tall straggler from another group started rubbing an elephant’s ear and Ya called out and told him that he shouldn’t do that. His response: Why not? She explained they don’t like it and he shrugged as though he thought that was stupid. She then had to tell him to get back to his group. It wasn’t safe for him. I liked that it sounded like a threat. Ya is about 4’10 and weighs 100 pounds wet. The dick head was at least 6’4. But I suspect she would have had an elephant trample him if he stood his ground. I personally would have paid enough to save several elephants to see that.

Stepped on a land mine. It’s been 4 years and still not healed.

Can you spot the dickhead in this one?

Immediately after getting clean in the water they take a mud bath and get dirty again. “Hey guys, maybe it’s me but I feel like someone’s staring at my butt.”

Tourist season. You can shoot two for free. After that it’s 5 baht a pop.

Back to the hotel where we had dinner. We’ve had a lot of Thai noodles and rice so we decided to switch it up and have some Italian noodles and rice. I forgot to take photos but it was pretty good. I leave you with Zoe’s favourite dessert Tiramisu.

Day 8 – Temples and Cowboy Hat Christmas – Dec 25

Spent the morning at the pool. One of the things I’ve been craving since we planned this trip is Khau Soi. It’s egg noodles in a yellow curry broth with crispy fried noodles on top. I’ve seen various travel show hosts eat it in local road side establishments in Chiang Mai and it was one of the first things I asked our guide Eak about. That’s pronounced Eck not Eeeeek. We, and when I say “we” I mean I, had plans to hit town after we saw some temples this afternoon and finally grab some of this amazing sounding local dish. But when I looked up the restaurants Eak recommended I was horrified to discover they are only open until early afternoon. Seems Khau Soi is more of a breakfast lunch thing. If you look at the photo above it might be hard to imagine a downside to this hotel but it’s a good 45 minute drive from the town so you can’t really just pop out for some noodles. By about noon, the girls had enough sun so we headed to the Thai restaurant here at the Four Seasons. I mean why pay 50 baht for a bowl of noodles when you can get it for 500 right here? Side note: The service has been a bit spotty and a bit weird at times. It took most of breakfast for them to get us coffee this morning. Seems very doable at every other place I’ve ever been to but here it’s obviously hugely complicated. They eventually brought one extra and I kept it figuring there was little chance of a refill. Don’t get me wrong, the staff seems incredibly eager to please but at the same time totally panicked that they will not be able to fulfil your basic request. We arrived at the restaurant for lunch which was completely empty but for maybe two tables and the hostess instantly became alarmed when I said I had no reservation. For lunch? Thankfully they managed to find us a table in the completely empty inside dining room.

I was pleased to learn they had Khau Soi on the menu. And despite not having the flavour I’m sure is added from eating it at a little road side stand, it was incredibly delicious. Hang on to your hats though. Roadside is coming later. First, some more Buddha action.

Cannonball! Tree. This is the kind of tree Buddha was born under.

We were all blessed by this monk. No pictures because I was busy getting holy water splashed in my face. Also I wasn’t sure if it was rude. We also got rope bracelets from the monk. Then it was on to another temple on a hill. 14kms up a very winding road. Then a cable car up to the very top.

A big gong.

More gold. All real even though monks can have no possessions or collect money and aren’t supposed to recognize it’s value. So why the bling?

Sun goes down fast.

Finally, maybe it was too much sun earlier but the girls were tired and didn’t want to stay in town for dinner. I had been looking forward to hunting down something else I had seen on yet another travel show. Emma says I just want to wander around aimlessly in places like Tony Bourdain. That is true but this woman was a legend of sorts, famous for her pork on rice and her cowboy hat which she always wore. Fortunately Eak not only knew what I was talking about – he knew the lady in the hat and was willing to stop for us to grab some take out.

4 orders. 200 baht. That’s dinner for four, 8 bucks!

Busy place.

We also grabbed some Pad Thai from the stall next door for Emma. I have to admit, the pork wasn’t bad but didn’t quite live up to the hype. You might say, what do you want for 2 bucks but I also think it would have tasted better sitting there instead of eating it back at the hotel. I mean come on, without the street, Street Food is just food.

Day 7 – Emma’s Birthday? – Dec. 24

Short post today as we travelled to Chiang Mai from Bangkok. Much smaller, northern city although still second biggest in Thailand. Hotel is in a totally natural surrounding with a real rice field in the middle. It’s been Emma’s birthday ever since we arrived in Hong Kong and it remains a topic of some debate as to whether today was, in fact, her real birthday since it was only the 23rd in Vancouver. The issue is even more complicated since she was born in Toronto. But we celebrated anyway.

Okay so a bit of a cheat since I took this picture this morning which is actually the 25th here and the day after we arrived. (Confused yet?)

Zoe is shocked and amazed by the swing couch.

Very excited about her birthday present. Saints all the way!

The Whole Earth. A Thai Indian vegetarian restaurant with some meat dishes. Emma’s two favourite kinds of food!

Veggie Pakoras.

Chicken Massaman Curry. A north Thai specialty. Delicious!

Night market. It goes on forever. Aside from the girl-boys or boy-girls (not sure which). dressed up for picture taking this is not much different than the other markets we’ve been to. I don’t really get it. Every other stall is exactly the same crap. You’d think someone would try selling something else.

Okay this is a little different.

Rolled ice cream in a bubble waffle.

Oh yeah, I lost my Visa card. The airline found it on the plane – fell out of my pocket but I had already canceled it. Oh well. Merry Christmas!

Day 6 – The Long Tailed Chicken – Dec 23

Massive update! We’ve decided Silvy might actually be Daisy’s long lost sister. For those who don’t know her, Daisy was our Toronto Filipino nanny for a while. Even though Silvy is Thai, the English accent and pronunciation are almost identical. Not to mention how uncannily similar they look. Now again, I hate to complain about a truly amazing vacation we are lucky to be on, but it seems I have been spoiled by watching too many travel shows where hosts like Anthony Bourdain (RIP) get to experience local culture like a local. We have sprung for some private guided tours and made our wishes clear in advance, but we seem to be met with throngs of tourists wherever we go. I get it. These are the things we’re “supposed” to see. And in the case of the temples and Buddha’s that is understandable. But I was hoping for a little less of what sometimes feels like a check the boxes theme park ride – even though you’re literally wandering, driving, or floating through real people’s lives. I guess on the other hand this is one of the major ways folks in this country make a living. I’m not sure how else they could tolerate the swarms like us taking pictures of everything. I’m not saying it’s Silvy’s fault. She’s been great. But let’s just say she’s asked a lot about the cost of living in Canada.

This morning we were up extra early at 5:30am for some breakfast before our 90 minute drive to the railway market. A decision I would regret. Breakfast that is. Not that it was bad but there was so much good stuff to eat when we got to the market and I really wished I was more hungry.

First, on the way, Silvy regaled us with many stories. Well, Hillary and I anyways. The kids had their earbuds in and missed many interesting facts. Including the one about the rice farmers whose crops were being over run with giant rats until a local tribe stepped in and said they would help the farmers by eating the rats. See, no problem is without a solution. It was okay because they were “clean” rats that ate a good outside diet. And of course, they tasted like chicken.

For those who don’t know, the railway market is in a town where they have set up a market along a railway track. The vendors spread their wares on the track and then pull them back and retract their stalls when the train goes through… 6 TIMES A DAY! The girls were totally confused as to why they would do this when there seemed to be lots of other places to set up along the road as other vendors clearly do. I think the answer is in the pictures. Ok I’ll spoil it. Crazy stuff brings tourists like us.

Not a fan of the smells.

Just driving my motorcycle through a busy market.

I think I know where the idea for the face hugger in Alien came from.

Only 2 dozen or so tourists die every day when the train blows through. It used to be news but not anymore.

Here is our view just before the train went through. Unfortunately, the video wouldn’t upload. Perhaps because it was too gory. It was amazing how the locals cheers when the tourists were crushed. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that this wordpress app I’m using to create this blog is not very good. Aside from randomly deciding what uploads, I swear the formatting looks nice and uniform when I draft it but when published it comes out different and weird. In fact, even wordpress knows it has problems because every once in a while, a pop up appears that says we know this app sucks so we’re working on a new one. Or at least something close to that.

Despite Hillary’s dubious expression, these incredible little coconut milk cakes were a big hit with everyone. They were hot, sweet and creamy. Amazing! Could have eaten a dozen more!

Various other cakes. More Chinese inspired. I tried the red bean paste. I wasn’t disappointed.

Zoe enjoys some pomelo while Thai Daisy looks on.

Next we went to a coconut sugar plantation where Megan climbed a tree.

Zoe stirring the coconut sugar Carmel.

Zoe petting a rabbit. We didn’t tell her that later it would be dipped in the caramel to create caramel rabbit – a Thai delicacy.

Souvenirs anyone? Not exactly sure what this has to do with coconuts.

On to the speed boats that would take us to the floating market.

Hillary enjoyed it for about ten seconds until she realized everyone’s toilets emptied into the canal and the ride was very splashy. Footnote: We later learned that’s not true.

A surprisingly long ride. 30 minutes or so.

This is the floating market. This is where many people transfer from motor boats to paddle boats to tour the market. But as you can see below, it’s not being ruined by tourist season at all.

So we walked through the market instead where Zoe met a new friend.

The guy fooled Zoe by telling her the Lemur peed on her head. So funny. We didn’t tell Zoe her friend the Lemur was soon going to be fed to these guys…

Here a local Thai medicine woman prepares to chop Hillary’s head in half.

Now this was a big deal. I’ve been watching food shows for years where people try the local cooking in weird and wonderful places. I assume they never ever get sick. At least they never show the host puking his guts out later that night. Actually that’s not quite true either. I’ve seen a couple get quite sick. But we took all the necessary preventative medications available before the trip. And I was determined to taste the things I’ve seen on TV. And that includes crispy pork on rice made in a boat by a man who may or may not have washed his hands recently. I’m sure he was breaking at least ten food safety violations according to North American standards. Silvy swore it was delicious. Hillary was having none of it. Megan was totally up for sharing.

Spicy and delicious. And as of the writing of this, still not sick. I even felt up to a work out this afternoon. Next, we are on to the walking, eating tour of Bangkok Chinatown for dinner! Hopefully not tempting fate!

But first some unbelievably intricate fruit carving in the lobby.

The shrine of Kuan Yim. All I remember is that she is vegetarian. So no pork offerings. Already a bad sign for everyone but Emma.

This was a strange evening. Let’s chalk it up to an experience. Silvy lead us off the beaten path to a hole in the wall coffee place that she said was the oldest in Bangkok. We had some Thai iced tea.

This is Emma’s “what the hell are we doing here?” face.

Here is Megan’s.

Hello Shaw customer service, my internet seems to be down.

Next we headed down this much busier alley.

Where we got some white chicken and white rice. That’s when I stepped in and said hey, how about those lobsters over there? Seems Silvy was on a budget from the travel agency and was paying for us because we were “on a tour”. I said I’d cover it. 1500 bat. 60 bucks for lobster.

After that we walked around some more and Silvy took us for some not so good Dim Sum which we were already sick of because that’s all we ate in Hong Kong. Hello, we’re in Thailand. Not sick of Thai food yet. None of this was Silvy’s fault. Food tour of Chinatown was in the brochure. We just have different ideas of what that means. Mine come from watching the world’s best chefs eat in the world’s best places on TV. The lobster was pretty damn good. And eating it on the street made it even better. After all, seafood is what Thailand is known for. Okay, maybe Pad Thai. Not so much Dim Sum.

We wrapped the day up with a night drive around Bangkok. Back at the hotel, Zoe and I decided we weren’t quite done and hit the dessert buffet. Tomorrow we fly to Chiang Mai.